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Painting the ‘Tarn’ red

Posted by on April 17, 2013

Fresh off our 17 hour, 944km train journey (which costs less than a Barnsley – Meadowhall return) we were greeted in Udaipur to a sign which read ‘Caire Rowley’ for our free tuk tuk to what would be our home for the next few days. Udaipur known as the ‘city of lakes’ lies in the Rajasthan, the largest state in India, referred to as ‘Land of the Kings’, it turns out every place in Rajhastan is known as something or another, Im thinking of applying to the Barnsley council to rename Barnsley ‘Land of teenage mothers & pound shops’.

Arriving at our hotel we checked in and headed for breakfast on our rooftop terrace which overlooked the other 5 star hotels and palaces in the area. Udaipur is also home to the Taj Lake Palace Hotel which is the setting to the 1983 Bond film, Octopussy. Unfortunately the hotel is closed to non residents, and at a cool £600 for the cheapest room we knew the best view we’d have would be from the outside.

After spending the morning looking around an Haveli (old Rajasthan courtyard house) which is home to the worlds largest Turban we enjoyed a boat ride around Lake Pichola to get a closer view at the famous hotel, as well as the city palace.

Just like the Redrow estateIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 022

Anybody home?India Udaipur, Jaipur 035

Turbans in all shapes and sizesIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 070

Worlds largest turban on the worlds smallest headOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

A bit of disco action in the spare bedroomOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

They even had a lazy boy chair that Danny was envious ofIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 388

Rajasthan puppet museumIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 050

Rajasthan is famous for miniature paintings, and these line all the streetsIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 001


Where the riverboat swayed beneath the sun- Udaipur’s lake shore
India Udaipur, Jaipur 114

The view from our boat of the City PalaceIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 256

Daylight robbery, Indias most expensive beer – 500 rupees (£5.80!!!!)- It lasted us over a hour, then it was too warm to drinkIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 229

To be fair the view was pretty goodOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Octopussy hotel
India Udaipur, Jaipur 275

Palace by nightIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 272

The scene of the crime, robbing getsIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 264

Shaken not stirred we emerged from the boat and managed to land some free passes to a concert which was being held in the City Palace, we think they needed a couple of foreign faces to make up the numbers. We were more than happy to take up the roll of’ token white folk’ and endure a couple of hours of tabla, sitar and crazy dancing.


Claire getting some tips for when she’s back in BradfordIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 290

El pasionIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 341

Straight to Jail wannabeesIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 355

The next day Danny persuaded Claire to start pulling her weight in the kitchen as he signed them both up to a cooking course. The cooking course was run by a lovely Indian lady called Shashi who unfortunately had her husband murdered, and due to her caste was unable to work, locked in the house with her 2 children and made to mourn alone in her house for the rest of her time. It was only when some travellers stumbled upon her by chance, they helped set up her kitchen, wrote up her recipes and now to this day Shashi teaches up to 20 people a day. Surprisingly as soon as Claire stepped in to the kitchen and donned her apron, she loved every minute of it, and within no time was offering to teach Shashi one of her favourite recipes, the famous corned beef pie, so if you ever see corned beef pie on the menu at your local curry house, now you know why.

Shashi – hardly Nigella LawsonOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Chapatti making at its bestOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Next you add the corned beef, then stirOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

With Holi festival just around the corner we decided to head to the capital of Rajasthan, Jaipur (the pink city) where there would be an elephant festival the eve before the day of Holi. To those who haven’t seen An idiot abroad and don’t know what Holi is, it’s an excuse for Indian men to get high, throw paint on everybody and to have a subtle grope at the womens naughty parts. Having said that, it still looked like good fun (for Danny anyway) so we arrived in Jaipur in anticipation of the days ahead.

The pink city my arse, this place was an absolute shit hole, so things didn’t get off to the bestest start when we arrived at the Elephant festival to find that this year there was to be a twist, the festival would be elephantless. The festival instead consisted of a turban tying contest, foreigners v indian tug of war, and the parade of local tribes. The festival itself was actually ok, however the lack of elephants, and the reason we came to Jaipur in the first place put a bit of a downer on things.

Elephants this wayIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 441

 Indias answer to gay prideIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 447

Give us10 rupees, or a pen, or some sweeties will do?!?India Udaipur, Jaipur 496

Think he’d learnt a thing or two from Boothy’s Auntie PearlIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 507

The traditional peacock woman minus the elephantIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 519

Waiting patiently for the elephantsOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Even the dog got bindi’dIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 537

Getting ready for the Holi celebrationIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 405

Cow dung is sold to burn the night before Holi, Danny thought these were actually cow dung necklaces and was very very close to buying one and wearing around his neck, better luck next time!India Udaipur, Jaipur 412

The 27th had arrived and Holi was here. We’d been recommended a place we could play Holi hopefully grope free with indian families and tourists alike, so off we trotted along with Claire’s rape alarm, just in case…..



Everyone will be glad to know we managed to get through Holi grope free, although we did come close to a run in with a jeep full of drunk guys on the way back to the hotel, we had to give them the old one two and Usain Bolt back to the room. Back at the room we scrubbed like we’ve never scrubbed before, and Claire’s holi boobs were there for the following few days.

With 2 days left in Jaipur before our next train we decided to give the place another chance, unfortunately this just wasn’t a patch on the other places we’ve visited, the highlight of our day was a ride in the Chapatti Express.

All aboardIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 425

The Jal mahalIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 418

The worlds biggest poppadomIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 424

The Pink PalaceIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 562

Peacock gateIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 568

Amber FortIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 715 India Udaipur, Jaipur 714

Well it’s official Jaipur is an absolute pit, and probably one of the worst places we’d been on our trip. It’s the kind of place which makes Gibraltar look good, so on our last day we decided to visit the nearby Elefantastic. Elefantastic is home to rescued elephants, where they are looked after and are treated like family pets, here we were able to adopt an elephant for the day, wash, ride, play, and even paint her.

Claire and her new best friendOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 He was afraid at firstIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 581

Best matesIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 586

Reminds me of the time TP tried to climb over the fenceOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Probably one of the most uncomfortable things we’ve ever doneOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Trunking aroundIndia Udaipur, Jaipur 684 India Udaipur, Jaipur 700

Vincent Van Gogh getting to workOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The finished productOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Expect to see these two in the West Upper next seasonOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Finally we made out of Jaipur to Jodhpur, known as the blue city. Jodhpur is a million miles apart from Jaipur, small narrow alleys, lovely blue houses, and also the setting to the film The Darjeeling Limited, as well as some scenes from The Dark Knight Rises. We spent the next few days taking in all the normal sights, as well as zip lining around the Mehrangarh Fort like Eddie the Eagle in the 88 Olympics.

Just like Barnsley marketIndia Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 012

Clock TowerIndia Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 034

Spock Horse

India Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 027

Omelette man, apparently this guy goes through 1,500 eggs a dayIndia Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 048

Not quite an easter egg, but it’s all we could get on Easter SundayOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Typical tourist with his audio guideIndia Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 057

Taking Movember a little too farIndia Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 078

The Blue CityIndia Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 159

Gnarly zip line shots

India Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 084

Peak flipped up ready for speed


The handbrakes where!?!?


First as always


India Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 151 India Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 124 India Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 136 India Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 119 India Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 123 India Jodhpur, Jaisalmer 130

While in Jodhpur Claire shared a bed with another man, and although he pissed the bed more than Danny did, she couldn’t hide her feelings for him and didn’t want to leave.


After ticking the ancient towns of the list, it was time for Claire to play Rolf Harris and to spend some time with the animals. We headed to Jaisalmer for our camel safari in the desert as if  it wasn’t hot enough already………

Our route on this post:

Destination Arrival
1 Udaipur, India March 23, 2013
2 Jaipur, India March 26, 2013
3 Jodhpur, India March 30, 2013

3 Responses to Painting the ‘Tarn’ red

  1. Francesca

    Love the pictures, hope the elephants are well taken care of! they are supposed to be sacred or something over there aren’t they.
    Looks like you guys are having a blast,

    • livingonbeans

      Don’t worry Fran, Claire wouldn’t go anywhere near anything that was cruel to animals. Yeah the Elephants are treat like kings, the Cows are treat even better!

  2. cynthia

    not another dog how many is that you have adopted?love the painted faces a def improvement and as you can’t wash it all out guess what you can buy new clothes keep up the great work love you mumxxxx

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